You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
