I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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