bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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