Where did you get a picture of my penis
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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