If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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