i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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