Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
