How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
