i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
