On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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