I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
