So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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