Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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