I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
