So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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