Cold hands, warm shart.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
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There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
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I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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