so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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