He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
