Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
