So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
