She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.