after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
