Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.