Texts From Last Night

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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.

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  (608): TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS. http://tfl.nu/ccyr
  Replies (11) Good night (2843) Bad night (821)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  how do we leave politely?

  (1-316): View more from Kansas

  Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.

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  (316): how do we leave politely? (1-316): Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke. http://tfl.nu/9vnx
  Replies (13) Good night (4105) Bad night (883)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed

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  (615): Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed http://tfl.nu/jhxa
  Replies (3) Good night (2716) Bad night (808)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy

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  (973): pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy http://tfl.nu/hiwh
  Replies (10) Good night (1364) Bad night (2990)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ

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  (405): I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ http://tfl.nu/wml8
  Replies (62) Good night (1803) Bad night (3152)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You make your fellow Jews happy.

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  (412): I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more. (1-412): You make your fellow Jews happy. http://tfl.nu/gpio
  Replies (16) Good night (6425) Bad night (1147)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR

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  (724): he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR http://tfl.nu/mrnu
  Replies (7) Good night (2411) Bad night (1171)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.

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  (207): I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate. http://tfl.nu/7qra
  Replies (14) Good night (2268) Bad night (902)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.

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  (910): Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse. http://tfl.nu/i97p
  Replies (19) Good night (1003) Bad night (2499)
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  (408): View more from California

  Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?

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  (408): Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol? http://tfl.nu/xach
  Replies (4) Good night (1639) Bad night (1130)
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  (818): View more from California

  He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.

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  (818): He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type. http://tfl.nu/n4gn
  Replies (4) Good night (1688) Bad night (527)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first

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  (613): I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first http://tfl.nu/99uo
  Replies (1) Good night (589) Bad night (375)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit

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  (775): I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit http://tfl.nu/5wjn
  Replies (2) Good night (320) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...

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  (508): We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on... http://tfl.nu/xnt1
  Replies (4) Good night (621) Bad night (270)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.

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  (865): Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline. http://tfl.nu/4en0
  Replies (2) Good night (678) Bad night (225)

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