my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.