I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks