The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful