Texts From Last Night

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  (905): View more from Toronto

  so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.

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  (905): so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever. http://tfl.nu/wzae
  Replies (126) Good night (23612) Bad night (1972)
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  (805): View more from California

  Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.

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  (805): Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die. http://tfl.nu/cdvk
  Replies (13) Good night (837) Bad night (2758)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.

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  (617): Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas. http://tfl.nu/4pw4
  Replies (18) Good night (4747) Bad night (648)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order

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  (847): then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order http://tfl.nu/len1
  Replies (11) Good night (967) Bad night (5562)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later

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  (715): We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later http://tfl.nu/4xtv
  Replies (11) Good night (5147) Bad night (1232)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.

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  (703): I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history. http://tfl.nu/nchu
  Replies (13) Good night (1387) Bad night (3255)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.

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  (506): He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants. http://tfl.nu/uu5r
  Replies (16) Good night (5184) Bad night (1087)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.

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  (978): Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace. http://tfl.nu/dayc
  Replies (4) Good night (1318) Bad night (535)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.

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  (303): Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected. http://tfl.nu/v8lk
  Replies (4) Good night (957) Bad night (1007)
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  (707): View more from California

  According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.

  (253): View more from Washington

  You called the wrong number but I salute you.

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  (707): According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground. (253): You called the wrong number but I salute you. http://tfl.nu/npd5
  Replies (4) Good night (1531) Bad night (397)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room

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  (506): That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room http://tfl.nu/htix
  Replies (0) Good night (468) Bad night (467)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.

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  (727): Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner. http://tfl.nu/20ik
  Replies (0) Good night (376) Bad night (449)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.

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  (216): I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time. http://tfl.nu/gxl7
  Replies (1) Good night (320) Bad night (350)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy

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  (630): I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy http://tfl.nu/cc6y
  Replies (0) Good night (309) Bad night (261)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots

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  (303): If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots http://tfl.nu/ozh0
  Replies (0) Good night (457) Bad night (415)

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