"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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