I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
