He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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