I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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