she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't deserve a penis
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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