Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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