i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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