when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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