If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
