Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
