Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
