Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
