The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
