I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
did you just send me my own nude
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
