Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
