I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
