Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize