we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
