I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
