he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
