I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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