Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
