I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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