all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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