Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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