I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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