i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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