I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
