So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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