Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
