Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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