i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
