OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
