So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
