My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
