Your face is a jimmy john
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
