Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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