Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
