how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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