Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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