that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
