the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
