i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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