I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
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It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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