I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
