4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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