She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
