Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
