i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
