Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
