Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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